MEMO TO: The Loving Left
RE: When Everyone’s Been Drinking, Who’s Gonna Drive?
Dear Hysterical Resisters and Utopian Dreamers:
Let me understand your arguments.
So, Brett Kavanaugh was a political choice, but McConnell told Trump not to do it.
He’s written more than 300 opinions and is never overturned by the Supreme Court, but he doesn’t have the experience and the bonafides.
He has a net worth of about $100,000, but you tell us he’s a Washington insider.
He’s got two daughters, and has coached girls youth basketball for 7 years, but you say he’s anti-women.
You cry that he’ll criminalize abortion, but that’s legally impossible.
So these are your arguments?
The reality is, he’s a pretty regular guy with brains and a reverence for the Constitution. People around the country get that intuitively. It’s not hard to see.
I know. “But he’s so scary…SO scary! He’s evil!”
Hello? Face the facts. You people are losing your minds. This is just your latest hissy fit. But it’s always about the same thing.
You fear the loss of your hard fought, new version of the Constitution. But you never understood the concepts behind the original version.
You have lost your senses because you’ve lost your history. For some reason, you believe that history began on the day you were born.
You think you have original ideas to save the world. Your visions of a beautiful future of wonderfulness have blinded you to simple, common sense.
Where did you get that special Kool Aid you’ve been chugging? You need to market that beverage! If you understood anything about capitalism, you would have already cornered the market on this legal hallucinogen.
That sweet soda is your savior! You see? You wouldn’t have to beat up and destroy your opponents. You could just sell SocialCola and addict everyone to your product.
Hell. You could lobotomize the world! You already have half the world by default. Just blank out the brains of the rest! Then, you’ll have your utopia.
You’ll just have to find one very sober person (who doesn’t partake in such mind-bending addictions) to make it actually work. You know, a non-smoker, non-drinker type who can actually implement your ingenious plan. Someone who hasn’t swallowed SocialCola.
Someone who understands business and management would be a perfect choice. You know, one not beholden to government elites…an unafraid leader who just gets it done.
You need a non-traditional thinker who can bring practical patterns and practices to your dream-world government. Otherwise, it will go up in flames as it always has before.
Oops. Oh crap! You need Donald Trump! Sorry. I hate to break it to you. You’re a day late and a dollar short. And several fries short of a Happy Meal.
Anyway, you can’t let capitalism get in the way of your agenda. That would be evil.
Sorry. You lose. You just don’t get it. Never mind. Go grab a sign and hope for the best.
Liberty Defender, esq.